Hang outs

So I've been going out with friends a lot lately.

Something New

Isn't it quite wonderful feeling having found new things? You go about your semi-retarded lifestyle of being the grunt who lives day to day, and without so much of a warning life throws you into a kaleidoscope existence where everything suddenly is in every shade of the rainbow.

Life is now colorful.

I've been blessed enough to experience these the past month since my last post. I've met and became close to new group whom I believe are a few of the best people one would be privileged enough to call friends. We've been hanging out a lot lately, and by the will of the powers that be, I hope that doesn't change.

The days have been quite blessed as well ever since I've been able to practice tarot reading as well. People have been responding well since I tell them upfront that I am not predicting their future. I am simply presenting them their life in an objective point of view, others call it a chance pick of the card (which is technically correct), I call it something else. Nothing beats having the person react so positively to my reading, telling me how much I've hit the spot right on.

Next on the list of new things that I came across are the trainings that I facilitate for work. See, I now work at AIDS Society of the Philippines. It's a great office 'cause not only to I get to work a job I actually believe in, and the hours are humane, I also get to help a lot of people via the advocacy.

I love the fact that I get to go on mini-office trips and get to be out of the house once in a while to check-in at hotels. I am such a flighty person, I never seem to stay in one place for a length of time, however short it is.

Also, I've been proving my worth to the office staff as well as the board by going beyond my responsibilities and taking on tasks that I know I can help out on. Opinions that I share are so welcomed that I now can't seem to stop sharing my thoughts, they don't seem to mind. It's a great feeling to be appreciated for what you've got to say.

And now a new endeavor on life and love. I've been brought down by a lot of disappointing situations recently that I started to doubt myself on whether or not there's something wrong with me that people can't take me seriously. Friends have been telling me that I need a change, and something they advised me to do made it's mark. I'll be putting those words into action and I'll see where it'll take me. This is a new Gelo, a 2.0 version if you will.

A lot of things, don't you say? So here's to a deep breath, taking it all in, and living life as it should be lived.

Of Hard but Necessary Decisions

I've been partying a lot these past 6 months since my mother left for the states. Let's just say that I finally broke free from the bind that my mom had on me 'cause she could be quite curtailing when it comes to late nights and unnecessary expenses. But with her gone, I had the chance to feel what it was like to be a kid again. The opportunity was there, so I grabbed it.

(Video taken by Renan of me in LAX - asleep. LOL!)

Now that is done. I've been psyching up myself around a week or so that I needed to stop and put a leash on it since my mom decided to come home and get work here. That wasn't a surprise since it's been discussed before and it was pretty much inevitable. But what came as a surprise was that only this morning, I'm glad that the heading out late in the night, partying until morning, and the carefree spending was to be put to an end. Succumbing to my teenage urges of fun was the answer you would have had had you asked me a few days back.

Maturity? Probably. But I see it more as heeding the call of necessity. Me and my mom had a deal. We would be helping each other out so that after a good heap of calendar sheets have amassed, and my bank account has been allowed to grow, we would leave the country and find a better life elsewhere.

To be frank, it's a big sacrifice on my part, since I always saw myself as a socially-dependent person, and I've always seen my friends as a source of joy. But for me to achieve my dreams, and finally be able to wade through the realization of my goals, I need to have a change. So I guess that change came in the form of me giving up the happy-go-lucky side of myself.

I really hope that all is for the best. As I put a part of my life, love, and my nursing career on hold, I shall be working towards a secure future. I will work on it so that maybe in a few years, I can party to my heart's content without the dark cloud looming over my head reminding me that I shouldn't.

of all the sins to have

the second highest had to be envy.

i've always known that pride was my worst sin. but why did envy have to be close behind. it makes such an awful tandem. it shatters me whole an leaves me numb.

i had fun hanging out with friends (who i consider family) last night. but at the end of the night i ended up having one of my episodes (yes i have them) where in i spaz-out and suddenly feel as if the world is ganging up on me.

why so? i was the only one single during that night. and they kept on commenting how sweet the stuff we were seeing done in the movie (remember me) actually are. of course i was left thinking. "i haven't done that so yeah, of course i would react the only way i know how, be like 'whatever'".

i love them to bits. but being around them is like being smothered with the fact that i am alone.

so i was left numb last night.

death, life's change agent

Only recently did my good friend caress die from a tragic accident. Then just a month ago, my lola's brother, died from cancer. Now a pillar of Philippine music, Francis Magalona, the Free Man, the Master Rapper, has joined the Lord and left us all proud to have looked up to him and witness the legacy of his life.

Questions roll through my thoughts, as I see life trickle and fail slowly right in front of me. How do i cope? Will my life be as noticed, will i be as remembered? What happens now that they're gone?

Existentialism isn't really my cup of tea, but sometimes, life encompasses your soul that you think of things that would have never crossed you mind.

Spirituality, i now know, is as vital as the food on the plate. For as death drives through our street and takes lives into another stage, he leaves with us the catalyst for us to take our everyday and make it much more than existence but lives fully lived.

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an ode to my coffee buddy, my lolo, and my kababayan!

on the road to

when you start out on a journey, you get that feeling of excitement and exhilaration that often comes with the anticipation of the unknown to come. yes, you might consider some of the cons of that long walk or that plane ride but you never really take your sweet time and waste on the 'what ifs'.

being human, you love to see the good things.

as i took on the life of being an adult, something that i longed for ever since high school (a mistake almost all young people make) i didn't think of the hardships i would have to face, not even a speck of it touched my thoughts. and as with anything and everything in life, good always came hand in hand with the bad.

yes i grew to love the independence of having your own time in your hands, praying for a miracle that time would stop so you could finish school work and therefore have time to spare for hanging out. yes i enjoyed the fact that i had money of my own to spend and make merry with. the freedom it projects is quite an illusion, a parody, irony, or contradiction, if you will.

looking back, i look at my haste to free myself from adolescence and mourn. i grieve for the time that could have been spent, not for wanting to become an adult and hating parental dependency but for actually living life as it came, every second of youthful joys and experiences. the road i traveled upon had quite a few misses but i must say that at the very least, some if not most of those choices were my own.

but now, having trekked passed my burdens, the cross i bore in becoming an adult, i pray that as i make more choices and wish for more things to come with every step that i take, that that 'some' of those decision in life that i shall make become 'all' so that when i take a step back from the hustle and bustle, i can sigh and say, 'that was my life'. the choice was mine to make and i chose.

now that i am on the road to becoming another part of myself, as i embark on the voyage of becoming a nurse, i hope and pray that i be blessed. graced with all the gifts that i have received in the past, (be it good or bumpy roads, a clear path or forks) and new gifts for me to be come resolute of my will to be. to be that person that i have often seen in my dreams. the man that i can say, have made his choices, as he walked on the pavement that led to a life that was righteous, unencumbered and fun.

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as for the things that has happened to me these past 2 months.

fall out boy, patron seats!

beat that! wahaha!







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star city with my friends!

haven't seen them in a while.







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this video was something that me and my bestfriend made!

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well i guess that's it. >.<

i have no proof of you

i can't believe how reality can just hit you smack down and full upon the face when sudden events creep up unwelcome.

only this saturday a very good friend of mine left this world due to a motor accident. hearing about it for the first time sent chills down my spine and left me feeling as if some force just yanked my soul out of me and left me gasping for air.

pretty, petite yet full of life, she always had things on her mind and was not afraid to voice it out. we got along quite well because of our love for coffee and fondness of each others' company. i guess we were quite unusual because we were both loud mouths.

it's hard for me to admit to myself that i let our friendship slowly fade into the background as life took on center stage. at the last year of college, we no longer were blockmates but i my how i liked her as a friend never diminished even a little. but it saddens me to think that i never even had a picture of us together. all i have are my memories, and it wasn't enough, it isn't enough. i want something tangible something i can touch and mourn over.

it's quite unfair. she was an only child and i would bet the pride of her family. imagine, a one-taker NLEX passer. a full-fledged nurse and a smart one to boot. why take her at such an early age. i rest only on the thought that she is somewhere, happy and living out eternity with the higher power.

how else do i recognize her being? how do i make sure that i never forget she existed? my will is strong but i'm no psychic and i cannot tell what may become of my memories in the future. i loved my friend and she deserves to be remembered. her life cherished and appreciated for the treasure that it was at such a short expanse of time.

so as a tribute and my way of saying goodbye.

all my love.

caristia castillo RN

you will always be here, in the hearts and thoughts of many.

an old draft that now gets posted

the thanks that should be handed out are as follows:
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my mom. despite everything else, i still owe you everything. but i would like to live on my own very very soon! as in SOON.

mommy, for devoting your life to the welfare of the family. you definitely gave up a lot for others.

isya, maan, pao, bugagi, you guys are the shoulders that are always sturdy for anyone to lean on. dependable and always present.

my entire family, the support (whether financial, emotional or what have you) has positively affected my life in such a way that things would never have been what it is now if not for you guys.
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my bestfriends.

ate, erick, jhon! iba kayo and i know you guys know that! the fun we have is unlike any other.

camille, iba tayo tol. kahit na bulacan at quezon city ang agwat at pagitan, eh matikas parin. you don't know how much nursing and the chorale has been bearable because of your presence.

jamie, distance might be oceans apart but still our lives seem to magnetize and attract. we got to know each other within the distance and that is enough to testify to the fact that the miles doesn't really matter, now does it?

fsb, you guys gave me the life that would never have been even in my wildest dreams. you guys are my brothers!