of all the sins to have

the second highest had to be envy.

i've always known that pride was my worst sin. but why did envy have to be close behind. it makes such an awful tandem. it shatters me whole an leaves me numb.

i had fun hanging out with friends (who i consider family) last night. but at the end of the night i ended up having one of my episodes (yes i have them) where in i spaz-out and suddenly feel as if the world is ganging up on me.

why so? i was the only one single during that night. and they kept on commenting how sweet the stuff we were seeing done in the movie (remember me) actually are. of course i was left thinking. "i haven't done that so yeah, of course i would react the only way i know how, be like 'whatever'".

i love them to bits. but being around them is like being smothered with the fact that i am alone.

so i was left numb last night.

Oh Please Don't

I face the pain
Without a tear
For such a sting
I strongly fear

I show courage
Despite my every woe
For I am weak
But dare not show

Construed am I
With binds that hold
For seen as one
Whose heart is cold

But nay oh see
It’s only such
For I am afraid
To show too much

For if I do
Break down my walls
Tears would pour
Like waterfalls

And I can’t bear
If you should change
And see me then
weak and deranged

So when I fall
To harder times
Don’t expect
That I should cry

But know it then
For truth it is
The pain I feel
Is a traitor’s kiss

blantantly unnoticed

now i'm left hanging

confused you might say
love on delay
shrugging, you persist

shed some light

i've been always true
gave space to you
still seems like i don't exist

tell me what's happening

do i not give enough
am i callous or rough
answer me, answer me please

things aren't right

you said you love me
forgotten am i to be
will "us" now cease

what do i do now
are you listening
what do i do now
what now