Learning How To Read

A new friend of mine, Lorely, taught me the basics of how to read tarot cards.

Yey for me!

Making A Difference

Have you asked yourself that lately?

What's the point of going to your work? Do you do it to finance your hip lifestyle? Do you do it so that it'll help you better yourself in the future? Do you do it just to make yourself famous someday? Here's a question, what will it do to help someone, or better yet, help society?

Early in life, being raised in a family of leftists and revolutionary thinkers (and a few hippies here and there), I grew to learn how to think beyond personal needs, but for the betterment of all. I had this need to make a point and ensuring that that point was going to make an impact. I had a goal to help.

I've asked myself that when I left college. At first, taking a call center job waiting for my license (hoping against hope that I pass the boards) would pave the way for tomorrows party's and drinking sprees, yet problems that my family encountered steered me towards a question: How can I help?

Then I heard of this call center who helps the deaf community communicate via the phone and hell they paid good money for it. I found a wonderful 'helping' job that would help me and my family as well. Two birds, one stone, if you will.

I passed my boards, became a nurse, stood as the breadwinner of my family for a time, and finally an opportunity to become who I studied to be presented itself. I took on the challenge of capitalism and suffered through the ill-profiting racket of a private hospital in trying to become a nurse. And a nurse I became.

A year went be and money constraints fed through my dream of helping medically so I needed to leave the white walls of my nursing job. But I left for an NGO that was still in line with providing people security from hazards that hospitals engorged our sewers, lakes and garbage dumps with. I joined in this crusade, still driven by my passion in life of helping.

Here I was exposed to more than my childhood lessons with my relatives have provided. I learned to reach out to society in a larger scale. It was rough, tiring, mind-consuming, but it was worth it. Not to mention it had good pay compensating for your time and effort. But the point is, we were fighting the good fight. All these placards, campaign materials, forums, etc, were aiming to make a change for the better. And change is what we did.

Now as I pack and embark on a new frontier, as I search for myself yet in other, greener pastures, I will never leave my advocacy in a shelf just to be a well-fed sheep of some corporate slave driver. I will make a stand, and shoot a flock if I have too, with this tiny pebble given to me that I call me.

I will make a difference. How about you, have you asked yourself that question lately?

October has come and gone.

Having been busy with a new job and getting cleared from my old one, I haven't had the patience to write.

I guess, to sum it all up, I've partied for a few days. I met up with friends. I've driven myself mad preparing for my family's reunion this December.

Anyway, here it is. I can feel the effect of the Anti-histamine kicking in. Good night!

Of Writing Long Hand And Of Me

I don't quite remember myself writing any of my works using a pen and a paper. I find it very tedious and I rarely finish what I start. I guess being born in the age where computers run almost anything can fervently mold ones way of life.

So while watching Vampire Diaries (Don't judge me, I'm a 90's child. An era where habitually climbing into a neighbor's window was romantic, people made romantic comedies or "romcoms" a fad, and where vampires were as good looking as Antonio Banderas, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise), I realized, that whenever I blog, I always find myself in front of the lappy, the desktop or my iPod. If I so much as lift a finger and plan to write, a sensation envelopes me and bears down on all of my creative juices, draining them all out of my body. Whenever I write (actually the term I should start using is type), I want it done on a keyboard. The pen industry, I think should start re-assessing their business strategies. One has e-notebooks to write on anyways, and those can recognize someone's handwriting.

But yeah, I still write. I still have a pen with me, always. I'm a nurse, so I have a 4 color pen on hand, everyday. It's part of my work. But writing for personal reasons, I no longer do. I type, that's who I am.

As for me, I think I started getting the hang of being a nurse. I still have a lot of improvement to do, like serious improvements, but I think I've caught on the things that would help me get by through the day. This is just saying that my day was uneventful and nothing serious has happened or has to be done for my patient. A routine duty would be fine for me, thank you.

But this has one major consequence, I miss hanging out with my friends. I'm a people person. I love hanging out, meeting friends, talking. That's why, at times, I feel so frustrated that I can't get a life outside work and home. To the point of me just being totally disconnected, I hardly go home in a good mood. But all is well, I'll get through this, like what I've always done when hardships come to pass.

At least I know, I have my work, my tumblr, my facebook games, and my blog to keep me sane throughout this trying times. This phase wouldn't be forever, and I know it will pave the way to my professional success. Hahaha! Too melodramatic.

Kill me to end my cheesiness!

Crossroads

So many things are to change this coming July.

So my mom's coming back home from the states. After months of working there, unfortunately, we weren't able to save up money since I don't have a job. I'm still doing my volunteer work and doing a few designing stints here and there.


Another thing, my volunteer contract is to end this July, so I have to wait for the hospital to call me when I'll be able to work for them as a floater.

Here's the thing, we're kinda in a rut financially (that's nothing new) so I think I'll have to find a job just to be able to help around the house while my mom finds new work when she gets home.

As of now, there are options, and the last of the list would be being a floater in WCMC.

But here's to hoping things would be better. It sure would be nice to have me and my mom's plans come to life.

I just need to have patience and stay solid with my practicality.

Wish me luck.

A nurse who needs to leave the Philippines

I really don't want to leave the Philippines.

I'm jealous of the people who can afford to live here and work. As for me, I love being a nurse. I think I was meant to be a nurse. But why must I be forced by this global and national economy to leave my homeland and work for a foreign country?

When in any lifetime is that fair?

That's why I miss my mom. She needed to work elsewhere so that we'd have a better life here in the Philippines. So far, it's only a bit better. But not enough to get us out of this financial rut. And I'm just below the average living range, imagine how life is for those who are really really poor.

I wish I wouldn't need to leave. I wish for a lot of things.

So where does that leave me now? I still need to slave over in this country while I wait for better opportunities open for me outside the country. It's sad, but that's life. You can't always have your way.

Three New Things

So here's an update on me while I ride the tough times of trying to get over someone.

I've enrolled for french classes (Yehey me!). It's one of the things I've been looking forward to this month, and yes I will finally take lessons. I found out about it through a friend (Thanks Marbs), and I researched Alliance Francaise. Tuition was a bit on the expensive side, and travel would be hard but I'm willing to push this through.

And so I went there with my friend Vince, who was supposed to enroll with me (You owe me on that one), despite the scorching heat of the seat and discovered a way how to get there. With a 7-11 Slurpee on one hand, and my excited throbbing heart on the other, we walked Nicanor Garcia St. and hoped that we wouldn't get lost. When we got there, the exterior of the building itself was uber cool, but nothing compared to the inside.

White everything, Caucasian people, TV MONDE on the widescreen and an awesome interior design welcomed us as we got in. And from there, I enrolled and everything was history.

So now, I have classes that will start on June 5th. I'm a member of their something (I really didn't know what the name of the club was but I joined because of the library privileges and the tuition discount.) Also, I figured out a few tricks on how to get around Makati without resorting to taking a cab.

Also, I've gone bald.

No, not because I'm losing my hair, or my receding hairline has finally done me its worst. I've decided to cut my hair, leaving only 1 centimeter length to lay testament that I did have hair before.

Why, you ask?

Primarily because of the heat. It's been so hot here in the Philippines that the temperature rises up to 37.5 Celsius. This overstaying heat wave has done so much damaged to the country but as always, just like what I did, people found means to live through it. Yes climate change is real.

The other reason for it though is this is me trying to get rid of my past. Well not totally get rid of it, but maybe give myself a fresh start. Yes, that's it. I've always have had to go through rough patches in life that I don't allow myself to always be the martyr of life. I've always roughed it out and I've always found ways to keep myself happy and changing, constant change is the key. At least now, despite every single problem and heartache, I'm adapting.

Last, I guess would be that I'm still a bit better at being a nurse.

Yes I know, I'm still a volunteer and I don't carry most of the responsibilities yet, but I'm still all ready to take the challenge of everyday work on. I've been so used to it that it's almost second nature to me. I'm dreading the day that I finally become a floater though. Because that time, I wouldn't have any free time as much as I do now.

So I guess that's it. I'm all good. That's the end of my mental diarrhea about myself.

and now that i'm trying to get over you

this was supposed to be a poem but i know myself, i make better stuff when it's on a normal blogged entry.

so i'm getting rid of the 'mourning' persona. i've gone way passed that already. i'm ready to brave the days ahead with my usual self.

mind you, i'm still sad about what happened. and some small part of me still wishes to be yours, but no more. no more of this weird "who-are-you-and-what-did-you-do-to-gelo" phase. no more mister black hole, emo, the world is of no worth to me, drama.

i'll put on a smile until i have no need to fake it. thanks for the opportunity you gave me for knowing how hurt i can actually get. at least now i know my borders. i didn't even realized how much you meant to me until i knew that i wasn't ever gonna get you.

here's to moving on!

of all the sins to have

the second highest had to be envy.

i've always known that pride was my worst sin. but why did envy have to be close behind. it makes such an awful tandem. it shatters me whole an leaves me numb.

i had fun hanging out with friends (who i consider family) last night. but at the end of the night i ended up having one of my episodes (yes i have them) where in i spaz-out and suddenly feel as if the world is ganging up on me.

why so? i was the only one single during that night. and they kept on commenting how sweet the stuff we were seeing done in the movie (remember me) actually are. of course i was left thinking. "i haven't done that so yeah, of course i would react the only way i know how, be like 'whatever'".

i love them to bits. but being around them is like being smothered with the fact that i am alone.

so i was left numb last night.

of blessings and tribulations

of blessings

i'm already halfway through my training for becoming a nurse in world citi medical center. yes, i am blessed for there are those who have been waiting for quite sometime already to be accepted in any training program (pre-employment) of any hospital here in the metro. there are a lot of things i've already learned and i am pretty much looking forward to a truck load of how-to-do's more to learn. i cannot believe i'm saying this but i am proud to say that i love being a nurse. and i am graced by Him by being given the opportunity to be one, at such an early stage.

i've gone back to the gym. by some unknown force, i've had the strength to continue and frequent the gym in such a manner that i end up having body ache time and again. but i definitely can see the difference now. and mind you, i'm going again later in the morning. i hope for change.

the new season of american shows are here. yey!

of tribulations

by now most of you know or must have heard that i have just recuperated from an accident i had last april 3rd. my family still haven't recovered from the financial blow that i think we're submerged in debt for life. now, my family is to face another adversity and try to jump another hurdle. and it's going to be a big one.

yeah i know the blessings far outweigh the tribulations, and i am thankful for it. but the problem to come might be so grave that it sets our family back more than where we are now. i don't think we can take any more fatal blows.

either way, thanks for reading this guys. follow me in twitter, tumblr, or add me up in facebook.

a blog for 2009

this is me for 2009.

i quit my HIGH paying call center job on february to get the opportunity to PAY a hospital for me to train and work there. i miss my friends there. i miss the financial freedom from my mom (and the fact that i'm able to help around the house). but i don't miss the hours and the dissatisfaction of working with no professional growth (since i'm a nurse).

my feb batch training in a hospital. i got through the first month of lecture and 2 days of hospital rotation. i made new friends, enjoyed experiencing being a nurse for the first time... then the accident.

i was sent to two ERs, got admitted twice and underwent surgery twice as well. my left leg is now officially not just made up of marrow but titanium too! i lost around half a year of my life to that misfortune. thank God for facebook! at the very least i got to give booster shots to my digital designing and mustered up the balls to post videos of myself on youtube and FB.

recuperating. i tried my chances with love for a couple of times. but alas, to no avail.

so for a couple of months i worked for an non-government organization. i got to express my principles in terms of how i view things in life, and i got to work and meet wonderful people. and i love the fact that they kept me well fed. (smirk smirk)

and now, i'm back to being a nurse. i'm continuing the training that was cut off and so far i'm having the time of my life.

as how it has always been, life is hard, but i'm doing the best that i can. i'm nothing if not patient, i've been taught well. i guess i've got to ride my completely erratic days of ups and downs. as most of my friends know, i'm a person of the extremes.

as the year draws to an end, i pray for fulfillment in anyway. i have no need for more than i deserve but i just wish to be happy, and with that i think i can get by. i'm sure anyone would.

here's to october, with hopes to a very happy november. (akin nalang kung bakit)

the inverted bed

my feet are now placed on the pillows at the head part of my mom's bed. and that's not even half of it. my mom's bed is now in the living room as we had to make certain arrangements to accommodate my recuperation.

here's a list of things that has changed, other than the bed:
- i now pee in a 1.5 soda bottle with the upper thirds cut off
- i am bathed by my mother (completely) which in many ways is very disturbing
- i have crutches to help me get around the house
- i practically own the living room, i pretty much boss people around and i do almost anything that i want (as if this wasn't the case before. hahahaha!)
- i live vicariously through my cellphone and the desktop
- i can't get out of the house

so as for now (as i keep dozing off trying to finish this blog) i'll try to think of something a bit more exciting to write as i am stuck here at home. hehehehe! productive, ain't i?

party, speed, crash, break and wait

party to celebrate a day of adding one to the number. i drink in the lavish and overflowing supply of enjoyment.

speed defines the want for a conversation long overdue, thus speed defines the rush for home as well.

crash went my world when a blinding light came flying through my path and kissed my leg with poisonous lips. pain and misfortune wrought upon me and my family.

break comes in different forms, from my tibia and fibula, my being a nurse, to my summer enjoyment as my birthday draws near.

and now i wait to be free from the hurt. to release myself from the helpless resolve stamped on me by fate. i wait for life to get back on tract.

how to be happy (and yes, i am)

living life is very much a challenge. different people have their own problems to deal with that pretty much when you've got bills to pay, a rent and mouths to feed, no one could hardly spare time to think about their happiness, let alone other people's dilemmas.

people become detached. separated from the world despite technology's best efforts to keep us all connected. ironic, that with all our means, hardly anyone is "together".

so how do you live life then? are you able to bear with the fact that you merely exist?

as i'm writing this blog, i kept on trying to figure out ways on providing answers to these questions that i've just blurted out. but alas, to no avail. so how do you live with your worries at the side, not taking center stage and steering your everyday?

probably there isn't a magic formula for happiness. what if happiness isn't really what we think it should be? well the over-rated feeling of elation is the temporary state of happiness. contentment is the permanence that everyone is searching for.

you know what i think? see the good in things. my answer to finding solutions to your problems: be content.

(the cliche pretty much works, it won't hurt giving it a try.)

on the road to

when you start out on a journey, you get that feeling of excitement and exhilaration that often comes with the anticipation of the unknown to come. yes, you might consider some of the cons of that long walk or that plane ride but you never really take your sweet time and waste on the 'what ifs'.

being human, you love to see the good things.

as i took on the life of being an adult, something that i longed for ever since high school (a mistake almost all young people make) i didn't think of the hardships i would have to face, not even a speck of it touched my thoughts. and as with anything and everything in life, good always came hand in hand with the bad.

yes i grew to love the independence of having your own time in your hands, praying for a miracle that time would stop so you could finish school work and therefore have time to spare for hanging out. yes i enjoyed the fact that i had money of my own to spend and make merry with. the freedom it projects is quite an illusion, a parody, irony, or contradiction, if you will.

looking back, i look at my haste to free myself from adolescence and mourn. i grieve for the time that could have been spent, not for wanting to become an adult and hating parental dependency but for actually living life as it came, every second of youthful joys and experiences. the road i traveled upon had quite a few misses but i must say that at the very least, some if not most of those choices were my own.

but now, having trekked passed my burdens, the cross i bore in becoming an adult, i pray that as i make more choices and wish for more things to come with every step that i take, that that 'some' of those decision in life that i shall make become 'all' so that when i take a step back from the hustle and bustle, i can sigh and say, 'that was my life'. the choice was mine to make and i chose.

now that i am on the road to becoming another part of myself, as i embark on the voyage of becoming a nurse, i hope and pray that i be blessed. graced with all the gifts that i have received in the past, (be it good or bumpy roads, a clear path or forks) and new gifts for me to be come resolute of my will to be. to be that person that i have often seen in my dreams. the man that i can say, have made his choices, as he walked on the pavement that led to a life that was righteous, unencumbered and fun.

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as for the things that has happened to me these past 2 months.

fall out boy, patron seats!

beat that! wahaha!







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star city with my friends!

haven't seen them in a while.







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this video was something that me and my bestfriend made!

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well i guess that's it. >.<