of all the sins to have

the second highest had to be envy.

i've always known that pride was my worst sin. but why did envy have to be close behind. it makes such an awful tandem. it shatters me whole an leaves me numb.

i had fun hanging out with friends (who i consider family) last night. but at the end of the night i ended up having one of my episodes (yes i have them) where in i spaz-out and suddenly feel as if the world is ganging up on me.

why so? i was the only one single during that night. and they kept on commenting how sweet the stuff we were seeing done in the movie (remember me) actually are. of course i was left thinking. "i haven't done that so yeah, of course i would react the only way i know how, be like 'whatever'".

i love them to bits. but being around them is like being smothered with the fact that i am alone.

so i was left numb last night.