Sunday, July 04, 2010

Of Hard but Necessary Decisions

I've been partying a lot these past 6 months since my mother left for the states. Let's just say that I finally broke free from the bind that my mom had on me 'cause she could be quite curtailing when it comes to late nights and unnecessary expenses. But with her gone, I had the chance to feel what it was like to be a kid again. The opportunity was there, so I grabbed it.

(Video taken by Renan of me in LAX - asleep. LOL!)

Now that is done. I've been psyching up myself around a week or so that I needed to stop and put a leash on it since my mom decided to come home and get work here. That wasn't a surprise since it's been discussed before and it was pretty much inevitable. But what came as a surprise was that only this morning, I'm glad that the heading out late in the night, partying until morning, and the carefree spending was to be put to an end. Succumbing to my teenage urges of fun was the answer you would have had had you asked me a few days back.

Maturity? Probably. But I see it more as heeding the call of necessity. Me and my mom had a deal. We would be helping each other out so that after a good heap of calendar sheets have amassed, and my bank account has been allowed to grow, we would leave the country and find a better life elsewhere.

To be frank, it's a big sacrifice on my part, since I always saw myself as a socially-dependent person, and I've always seen my friends as a source of joy. But for me to achieve my dreams, and finally be able to wade through the realization of my goals, I need to have a change. So I guess that change came in the form of me giving up the happy-go-lucky side of myself.

I really hope that all is for the best. As I put a part of my life, love, and my nursing career on hold, I shall be working towards a secure future. I will work on it so that maybe in a few years, I can party to my heart's content without the dark cloud looming over my head reminding me that I shouldn't.

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