I loathe you! I'm really angry at you. I'm so mad that I keep hearing
words shouted in my head by my consciousness wanting them lose upon
you like dogs on an unwanted stranger. You hurt me and deprived me of
the love you said you had for me. I would have appreciated at least
the companionship and the little intricacies of our short
relationship, the holding of hands, the uncontrolable cuddling, all
those shit. But no, you had to make me long for those too. A kiss? One
kiss? Was that all i deserved? I hate you for making me doubt myself.
I pity you. I feel sorry for you because in all of this unfortunate
little game we played, I kind of figured that you still weren't sure
about me and yourself when you gave me your hand. We ended up lost and
fumbling to make things work. I wanted to keep you happy and secure, I
waited only for you to love me back. I didn't know that you wouldnt be
able to give me what I needed because you were not sure that you did,
that you actually did love me. I pity you for making me wait, for as
you can see, I'm taking steps to move on. No point in hanging on, just
for the sake of pity.
I'm disappointed with you. I've always seen you as this person who
would be the one for me. You were the penacle, at that very moment.
And that was where I made my mistake. I saw you for what I thought and
wanted you to be. I put you on a pedestal, and all I can do was watch
as your throne slowly crumbled with every shun and rejection you've
done and bestowed upon me. You let me down, so far down that I'm too
deep to even save myself. I've ended up disappointed with myself as
much as I am with you.
After all's been said and done. I've learned. And for that, to you, I
am thankful. I just want you to know, even though I might not have the
strength and courage to face you like a man and say all this, I truly
did love you. And with the short time that we had to grow and with
that short time that we wilted away, I still treasure the moments
shared, good and bad.
But hear this, for this i think is impotant for you to know. You
didn't lose me when we were distanced by circumstance. It was not when
we were apart that my love started to fail. We were together when you
lost me, but you just didn't see it happening.
A note to all lovers: be forewarned. A love is not just there to be
appreciated and admired. Like a garden, it is taken care of, lest it
withers and dies.
In time, I know, love will drop upon my longing arms once more.
This mail was sent with the help of my handy dandy iPod!