Friday, May 02, 2008

death by anxiety

my anxiety level is so over the roof that i could hardly get anything done.

well, it's not that exaggerated, but i am really undergoing a lot of pressure from myself. and that is so because of a lot of factors in life that relies on the result of this examination. let's admit it, we're not rich. actually my family is verging on poverty, not because of our lack of resources (though it's non existent as of the moment 'cause my mom doesn't have a paying job - she's on training in a call center, but that's another entry), but because the standard of living here in the metro (quezon city) is so unbearable. for a fresh college graduate undergoing review for the board, a single mother working for no pay, an elderly who's life revolves on church and home, the three of us have a hard time trying to figure out how make ends meet with the meager resources that we have. not only that, we have other dependents that rely on the money that we could send just to help them out (we have a relative who live at home, who also works for no pay - or atleast he doesn't chip in to the household expenses and extended family members to whom my grand aunt send money to).

so now, i'm here, stuck with the everyday. i'm barely surviving the dread of every minute and now i have to discover how to fight through it and live triumphant. seize the day, if i'm not mistaken, is the phrase that would apply to my current situation. and i have to i guess. i need to take things seriously, focus on studying, leave all distractions in the gutter and brave the board exams. i want, no, i need to be a top notcher.

(babbling of someone who fears the unknown)

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