my addiction

it's really hard to love someone and not want them to stay with you forever.

i know that my mom loves me and that since i'm her only child, obviously she'd want me to be with her as long as she could hold me. i never really quite understood her obsessiveness and often times i still don't, but everytime i feel that i am starting to have a crush or liking towards another, i just begin to comprehend my mother's longing.

it usually starts with a trait that you like about the person. most people would work from there and get to know that person better. as for me, i usually irritate that person with insults, i guess the cliché "the more you hate, the more you love" has me as its living proof. but despite all my odd methods that seem to want to push away this person, if you would be very very observant, you would notice that that person is the only one i insult most often than any other person.

and given more time, if the feelings have grown, i would always want to know where the other person is. and if i have confessed to that person my intentions and that person has not declined or showed no plans to shoot me down then i would always want that person around me. i'd always want to know where that person is. it may be kind of weird but i'm turning out to become my mom. true as this may be, my only defense is that i might be becoming as obsessive as my mom, but i'm not as tyrranical as her. i wont push that person away just to satisfy my longing. well i hope that that circumstance doesn't happen.

if you really care, if not love, that other person that much, how much is too much when it comes to showing your compassion for them?